“A lot has happened in the past year of my life.”
-Every Person Alive
A favorite quote of mine. I can’t cite the specific source because I read everyone’s mind and it came from there.
Anyway. I’m no exception, a lot has happened in the past year of my life. Not all of it was amazing, but not all of it was horrible. (I’m so vague today and I love it. ) But, what happens when people get stressed? More often than not their worst sides come out.
And that happened to me.
I’m horrified to say that for a couple months during winter my post partum depression, and the events that unfolded in our lives led me to be not the best wife ever… And it came as a figurative slap to my face when my husband said to me “I feel like I’ll never be able to make you happy and content”
If I was one to use colorful language… I’d insert it right…. Here. I was heartbroken. I felt like a failure. I’m a stay at home mom and wife. My job is to raise my child and keep a loving, warm, and Christ-centered home. Um. I obviously was missing the mark a bit. Now I don’t want people to be concerned or anything, my husband and I are very much in love and committed to each other, but he was expressing concern for me. I was constantly stressed. And I thank him for saying what he did because he gave me the kick in the yoga pants that I needed.
There is a quote by Martin Luther that I love:
Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.
I wasn’t doing that! And I know why. I wasn’t focusing on Christ in my marriage. I was focusing on me first, then Sebastian. I was so absorbed in taking care of my metal health and well-being that that became a bigger priority than most things. Don’t get me wrong. I HAD to focus on my mental health so I could be a good wife and mom. But making it my #1, my idol, is no bueno. How humbling, horrifying, and depressing is that? (Shout out to Sebastian for his patience with me *high five*) and what’s sad is that it affects my mothering. So what did I do? Well. My husband gave me a gentle-but-not-so-subtle push to the Bible. And then I remembered my Mommy’s voice in my head:
Surround yourself with the Word of God.
So I took it literally. At first I wanted to get cute canvases from Hobby Lobby of Bible Passages or something and hang them up. And then I realized… IT’S GOD’S WORD…. THERE IS NOTHING MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THAT. So I did it the old fashion way…. Thick paper and sharpies 🙂
I put passages around the house that are geared specifically toward that room or what I would be doing when we see it.
When I go to bed….
When we leave the house….
Now I do have a Bible Passage in Baby Girl’s room that is a pretty picture from Hobby Lobby. The passage is one of my favorites:
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart” Jeremiah 1:5
The reason I’m telling you this is because, I needed to surround myself with God’s Word. And so do you. I was carrying all my stress and taking it out on my husband. And I am sorry to be the one to say this… But you probably are too. I am by no means the “perfect wife” because of these passages around the house now, BUT they help me focus on Christ which in turns help me focus on my husband. Only when I put Christ first will I ever be able to be at my “mental healthiest”. And when Christ is first, I know I will be able to be a suitable wife.
I love my husband. So thanks Sebastian for dealing with me. Heaven knows I put up with love your annoying unique “quirks”.
Oh. And for those wondering, yes my husband does make me very happy *smiley faces and googley eyes all around!*